Do you wish to feel complete?
I hate break-ups.
Yes, it was only a few days ago that I posted my last entry and mentioned my being in a new relationship... but as of today, I am single again.
It was I who made the move, and though I do feel it was the right thing to do, I can't help but feel like a jerk. I wasn't exactly gung-ho about doing it, and he wasn't expecting it at all, so it made it an even more painstaking situation. Truth be told though, I've had my doubts from the beginning - mainly revolving around how much we really have in common. I've come to care about him a lot and I have a fun time with him, but there's always been something nagging me in the back of my mind, questioning how compatible we really are. And this isn't the way I want to feel in a relationship - unsure, hesitant, and like there are things that are incomplete about it all.
I know that we don't always feel 100% about a relationship, but the doubts I had felt more than just 'early jitters'. I definitely could have stayed in the relationship longer and kind of 'gone with the flow,' but the last relationship I was in also had flaws in it from the start. With that one I stuck with it for nine months and at times truly believed it could work out. In the end however, things fell apart and in retrospect I see it was mainly because the fundamental differences we tried to overlook throughout the relationship had caught up with us. I didn't really understand why things had fizzled so quickly at the time though, and it was such a messy, miserable ending.
I didn't want the same thing to happen in this relationship, so it felt easier to end things before anything got too serious. He still took it pretty hard though - maybe even harder than I expected, and I felt so helpless and like such a horrible person for hurting him. Ugh...
All his friends are going to hate me now I bet, and he'll probably resent me and feel bitter and confused, but I guess I deserve it for steamrolling him out of nowhere like this.
I feel doomed to repeat these series of events in all my relationships...
so why should I even bother?
------------
Ear Candy: *Bridge to Nowhere* --Sam Roberts
Yes, it was only a few days ago that I posted my last entry and mentioned my being in a new relationship... but as of today, I am single again.
It was I who made the move, and though I do feel it was the right thing to do, I can't help but feel like a jerk. I wasn't exactly gung-ho about doing it, and he wasn't expecting it at all, so it made it an even more painstaking situation. Truth be told though, I've had my doubts from the beginning - mainly revolving around how much we really have in common. I've come to care about him a lot and I have a fun time with him, but there's always been something nagging me in the back of my mind, questioning how compatible we really are. And this isn't the way I want to feel in a relationship - unsure, hesitant, and like there are things that are incomplete about it all.
I know that we don't always feel 100% about a relationship, but the doubts I had felt more than just 'early jitters'. I definitely could have stayed in the relationship longer and kind of 'gone with the flow,' but the last relationship I was in also had flaws in it from the start. With that one I stuck with it for nine months and at times truly believed it could work out. In the end however, things fell apart and in retrospect I see it was mainly because the fundamental differences we tried to overlook throughout the relationship had caught up with us. I didn't really understand why things had fizzled so quickly at the time though, and it was such a messy, miserable ending.
I didn't want the same thing to happen in this relationship, so it felt easier to end things before anything got too serious. He still took it pretty hard though - maybe even harder than I expected, and I felt so helpless and like such a horrible person for hurting him. Ugh...
All his friends are going to hate me now I bet, and he'll probably resent me and feel bitter and confused, but I guess I deserve it for steamrolling him out of nowhere like this.
I feel doomed to repeat these series of events in all my relationships...
so why should I even bother?
------------
Ear Candy: *Bridge to Nowhere* --Sam Roberts
posted by Claudizzle at 11:41 p.m.
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