Snow Day!!!!

There's just something extremely magical about the year's first snowfall. I know many people actually despise the Winter season and the snow that signals its arrival, but here in Vancouver we don't actually get that much snow compared to the rest of Canada so it is quite exciting for the majority of us! It was a couple of days ago when the first flakes started falling, and it has continued unceasingly. The whole city has been dumped on, and up around my place there's a good seven to ten inches of snow covering everything in sight! There's even been enough snow for large branches to break off of trees, and in the field near my house, one poor tree even split in two! (This wasn't a small tree either!)

I had been indifferent to the news of snow on the first day because I had been at home all day trying to work on a paper and hadn't even looked outside. However, upon stepping outside at 9pm that evening, I felt a surge of awe and childish excitement ripple through me as I surveyed my unfamiliar white backyard. I've experienced many snowy days in my life, but everything from the crisp smell of the air, to the crunch of the snow under my feet, to the sight of everything laced in white... makes me grin like a fiend. Then of course there's the endless amount of fun to be had in the snow - snowball fights, snowman-making, snow angels, toboganning and tubing, or even just rolling around in the stuff - that makes it so awesome! I didn't actually get to play in it until today though, and this opportunity only really presented itself because of the SNOW DAY we had!! (For those who may read this and not know what that means, it means that school was cancelled due to snow - AKA EVERY KID'S DREAM!!) I had been joking around with people last night, saying that I hoped school would be snowed out, though I doubted it would happen because I had seen a lot of sand trucks going around the city, clearing up the roads.

So I set my alarm for my usual 7:45am start, and when the radio came blaring, I groaned. However, I kept myself conscious to listen to the weather report and any possible school closures...

"...still snowing and outside the C-Fox station it is negative five degrees. If you're wondering about school closures, there's a good chance that..."

<Oh NO, he's going to say that there's a good chance that we'll have to go to school! *groan*>

"...you won't have to go to school today..."

"...as for those of you wondering about the UBC and SFU campuses..."

<Pleeeease...>

"...forget about it! Classes are all cancelled, so you can go back to sleep..."

I actually yelped in excitement at that moment, and was so excited about having a snow day that I couldn't get back to sleep for a good half an hour. A little later I was out in the snow, decked out in my snow gear (snowboard boots and pants!), fearless and ecstatic. I was on my way down to meet DJ Whitenoise and go play in the snow. This was the first time we had hung out on our own since we broke up, and I wasn't sure what to expect, but the outlook looked alright.

We were actually quite cheery and normal around each other, which was a little surprising, but I was happy for it. We went down to a little park area near Kits beach and tried to make a snowman, but to no avail since the snow was so dry and powdery. Snowballs to the face were exchanged, and I was tackled a few times. We tried to slide down what barely passed as a hill on garbage bags I had brought, but that didn't work so well either. It was still really fun though, and we spent most of our time trying to attack each other with snow.

It was all also really couply, and I didn't know whether it was a good thing to be doing - encouraging coupledom when we had just broken up a week earlier... and well, I got my answer to that shortly after, when we were back at his place.

We were sitting on the couch just chatting, and again, it did seem weird to be back there after only a week. There was a pause in our conversation, and then came, "Uhm, so I don't think we should see each other for awhile..." the pain in his voice resurfacing.

And of course I understood why he was saying this, but it made my heart sink. I actually got pretty choked up, thinking that we had actually failed at being friends, but I said ok to him and that the ball was in his court now - I would be there whenever he was ready. "It might be a long time..." was his response.

Ok, was all i could say, though I felt at a loss. I actually wanted to tell him that I didn't want to sever ties with him, and that there was so much more I wished I could explain to him and that I have actually missed him a lot this past week, wondering if I had done the right thing by walking away. I wanted him to know that I'm not "over him" like he probably thinks, and that I still care... but for me to say any of that when he's trying to deal with what I dumped on him would be incredibly selfish. So, I didn't.

We managed to resume normal conversation after this, but I inevitably had to leave.

And I know it's only been a short week since all of this transpired, and that I should just let time run its course, but I just expected to be much more relieved to be out of this relationship, and not as bummed out and doubtful as I am.

Feelings are a funny, unpredictable thing.

Ear Candy: *Mind Flood* --Sam Roberts