Another attempt...

At what? At keeping up with an online journal-type thingy. *Le sigh* I felt all inspired to set up a new account/blog somewhere and start anew, but newly customizing a blog is a pain and I already have two blogs that have been abandoned... I figured that I owe at least one of them a resurrection. So life ? Where to begin? I feel like marking my students' work lurks in the back of mind wherever I go. The kids are enjoyable to teach for the most part, but I don't feel like I am in my 'element' at this job. I really hope that a job as an elementary school teacher will be more fulfilling.

Today I asked some of my students what grades they could see me teaching, and they responded with various answers that ranges between grades two and six.
Everyone who knows me fairly well tells me that they think I'd be great at teaching. However, I can't help but feel apprehensive and unsure about my abilities.

What if I'm a pushover? What if the students don't like my teaching style?
What if I blubber over my words all the time and come across as difficult to understand, or even worse - boring?
What happens if I become the notorious teacher that every student wants to avoid having?
I think I would take teaching way too personally, and if I had a bad rep with the kids, I would be too heartbroken to carry on.

These are my thoughts at 1am on a Monday night/Tuesday morning, as I attempt to revive this blog.
The only person who read this on a consistent basis was Monica...

:( :( I miss you Mon.
I was looking at some pictures with you in them today and I felt a deep stab go into my heart.
Sometimes reality hits me and I am too numb to get upset, but with other, thankfully less frequent times, I feel flashes of anger at the situation and the words, "It's not fair!!" lash out in my head.

I didn't intend to get all emotional in this post, and these kinds of thoughts are normally reserved for my paper journal, but sometimes it just feels right to express myself like this to 'the world'.
Maybe someone will read this someday and feel something. To evoke thought and feeling in someone through words is an amazing thing though, and if I can do it through spontaneous bits of my most personal feelings - so be it.